tothebonesmylove:

12/01/2018

Relapse.

I’m going to stop calling it relapse from now on. I don’t want to stop anymore. I’m actively cutting again.

Sitting here reflecting and I’ve literally been cutting for fourteen years. I always thought I’d be dead or get better. What pathetic life is this?

No one cares. No one who knows me can care. I told my lover I needed help and he just begged me to let him sleep. I drunk snapchatted some really personal things, including the fact I was self harming, to the couple of people I considered friends and they left me on read – then messaged me the next day about their own problems like I was invisible. I ended my longest friendship with my best friend because I felt he sees me as a monster, and when I told him that – he said that I’m right, he’s sorry he sees me that way, and goodbye. Two sentences to end an eight year friendship.

I am so pathetically invisible. I’m so pathetic period.

Meanwhile all I can think about is how many extra calories all this cutting/healing is going to burn.