I’m so cold right now. I’m drowning. It doesn’t feel worth holding on – but I have to. Nothing feels good. Everything feels… Repulsive, honestly. Alcohol sounds like too much work. Weed sounds uninteresting. Food sounds nauseating. Sleep just won’t come. The thought of my lover’s arms makes me recoil. Every thought I have is recycled and refurbished into trauma. I’m just so tired.

So hurt and so tired. I just want to be done. Why can’t it be done?