Up… Then down. My mood is so sporadic. I go back and forth probably ten times a day. The smallest things hit me like an asteroid. I feel so useless, unworthy, invisible, and unloved.

I’m starting to stabilize my eating regardless of mood, but times like this all I want is to drink. Do drugs. Escape. It’s so much harder when my lover drinks over the smallest struggle between us.

I don’t know what will last. I feel like someday soon it will all be in ruins. But I can’t let that drive me into the ground anymore. I need to be strong. I need to learn. I need to be better. I need to be more.