My new solution to everything is going to be water.

Fight with my lover? Drink some water! Too depressed to move? Drink some water! Thinking about chugging that 150proof vodka? Drink some water! Want to pop a pill? Drink some water! Want to melt into a pool of existential despair? You guessed it – chug some gotdang water!!!

Maybe I can drown myself from the inside out.

Sorry that I’ve been inactive the last few days. My mental health has been hell; I relapsed into alcohol and self harm, been a little too depressed to blog. I’m (tentatively?) back though.

89hr fast.

I’m going to a concert Friday night and I want to look my best so I figured it was a great time for fasting. I’m aiming for 89hrs minimum, but it’ll likely end up being a little more than that.

I can have; tea, diet soda, coffee, and other zero calorie drinks. I can use Splenda and up to two cups (60 cals) of unsweetened almond milk for flavor. I can chew two sticks of gum a day. I must take my vitamins daily.

I’m aiming to start some new toning routines as well but I’m feeling especially unmotivated at the moment so we’ll see if that happens.

Updates to come, results on Saturday.

22lbs lost in October!

I’ve lost 22lbs this month!!! It’s been so long since my weightloss was this consistent.

I can’t lie; for awhile there I started letting myself slip. I didn’t care that alcohol has a million calories, I didn’t think even the small amount of working out I do would make a difference, I didn’t think I’d ever actually make it. I’ve spent the last six month bouncing back and forth between twenty pounds – but at the end of September I realized I really just can’t live this way and kicked my ass back into gear and –

Not only did I lose the last of that 10lbs I’d been maintaining, I lost an additional 12lbs and hit a new goal weight! I’m SO CLOSE to another! I’m actually making progress and it won’t be this good every month, but when it’s not I can still look back at this and realize that it’s not in vain.

Unintentional fast today.

I’ve been in a horrible mental state all day. Pushing love away left and right. Feeling hurt, stir crazy, and dissatisfied by things. Anyways I essentially was so upset that I fasted all day. Diet soda only.

Going to just extend it and try to fast for 96 hours. We’ll see how that goes… I’m really close to reaching 22lbs lost for the month.

Anyone want to join? Message me. 💜 If at least three people want to I could setup a group chat on Kik!

7.8lbs in three days!

So I’ve been pushing myself to eat more and have been averaging 500-600 a day because of my head injury and initially I gained a pound so I avoided the scale for three days.

But then I forced myself to weigh in today and – I lost 7.8lbs!!! In three days!!! While eating around twice as much as I usually do and being lazy af!!!

This is so good, holy crap this is good. I thought for sure I’d be up by at least another five!

Today is feeling brighter?

I don’t know. This is probably just another mood swing and in twelve hours I’ll be verging a psychotic break again. But for the moment I feel hopeful and energetic.

I do feel disgustingly full though. Due to all the head stuff I ended up eating a substantial amount yesterday (1000). My tummy still feels full and I’m incredibly tempted to use laxatives because they always make me feel better even if they don’t actually do anything. I still maintained though, at least, and I’m going back to normal today.