Unheard, unseen, and unimportant.

Just wish life would stop. Wish I had died before I met someone who’d actually care if I was gone. Wish I was selfish enough not to care that he cares. Wish I could just shred my brain. I’d be happy living as a vegetable. I just want to stop knowing myself.

Tbh I’m so sad and lonely. I really feel like I’ve lost myself – almost like I’ve disappeared as my mind is forced to keep on existing. Idk. I’m so stupid. I want to cut so much but I went way too far last time and I just can’t risk it. I just want a friend right now but I really haven’t had any for some years and you don’t make a bestie level friend overnight.

I’m being kinda forced into sobriety now too. I can still OD on valerian root but I’m out of bud and too scared to get more. I just want to turn off but I’m so sad I can’t even sleep.

I told him I actually wanted to try being sober for a month and not only did he discredit my ability to do so, he actually seemed partially upset that I wanted to.

It really shouldn’t matter but it just feels like a blow. I was in such an optimistic mood and now I don’t want to be awake ever again.

maigredoll:

alcohol-and-anxiety:

Shot of rum: 97 calories
shot of vodka: 97 calories
shot of whiskey: 105 calories
shot of fireball: 108 calories
shot of gin: 110 calories
shot tequila: 96 calories
shot of bourbon: 97 calories
shot of scotch: 64 calories
shot of port wine: 165

white wine is generally 82 calories
red wine is generally 85 calories

This

This is only broadly accurate. A shot is between 1oz-2oz typically – I believe these values are for a 1.5oz shot though. Other things to take into account: what proof is the alcohol? What brand (different brands use different recipes)? Is it flavored or spiced?

Also bear in mind the calorie content of your mixers and if you want to drink I highly recommend trying to avoid bars. You have no idea what portions they use because it’s not measured out – and especially at smaller places, it’s common for a bartender to pour a little heavy for a better tip.

I’ve been starving heavily for a long time, but I’m also an alcoholic. For months I would yoyo until I finally cut alcohol out and I’ve been consistently losing since. It sucks but if you want to lose weight. 💁

It’s just literally fucking exhausting to be doing everything right and working towards improvement more quickly than you or most people imagined possible and think that everything is good in the world, that everything is finally right –

Only to then find out that you’re still just… Not good enough. That even at the best you never thought you could be that you still don’t hit the mark. And to realize, for what you hope to God is the last time, that no matter what you do it will never be enough.

I’m always happy to talk to people when they need advice however I hate when people end up talking to me about body image issues and weightloss. My view of these things is SO unhealthy and I’m so mean to myself – I know, I KNOW, that I’m going to slip and encourage unhealthy habits and I don’t want to do that. But because I have lost so much weight already it’s something that irls ask advice about often. I try to direct people towards the keto diet but then I can’t give practical advice. Idk this is just really stressful.

Just a heads up.

Been pretty depressed lately so it’s just been my queue posting. I’m sorry for any repetitive posts, as well as for posting less than usual. I’ve been so depressed lately it’s been hard to do anything and it almost feels like there’s no point in any of it. But I’m still working hard at my weightloss, I still check in on here daily, and I’ll be trying to post more.